Free Choice

Having written about habits being the nucleus of change I continue to look at change. When we look at why we want to make a change it is often an existing something we are dissatisfied with. If a change is suggested or enforced upon us, it’s a different story entirely.

Human beings work well with free will, IF THEY KNOW THEY HAVE IT. If you don’t realise you have free will, free choice, eventually you resent what/who/how put you in the position you are in. You blame your boss for overloading your workload or time for not being enough. We blame the cook for all the weight I put on, or was it that I ate double helpings? I blame X for their charm at convincing me to sign up for another charity commitment I can’t afford or even believe in anymore. I blame the expectations of every email for stealing my time.

So what if I could say NO? How does that sentence make you feel?
Scared. Enlightened. Empowered. Frozen.

I can’t say no. I just can’t. That would interrupt the flow, the relationship, the moment. That would take a lot of will power. I would have to be stronger, in a different position, better, braver.

Would you?

The first step to change is to notice what is going on that you don’t want. The very next step is to interrupt what you don’t want happening. That means saying NO.

If every answer is YES, there is NO CHOICE. There has to be a NO for a YES to be interesting and valued. Otherwise it is habitual and expected. And oh the weight of expectation.

Habits are wonderful systems. They make life easy. Until they don’t. We get bogged down in them, stuck in a rut, powerless. Then it is useful to remember that I have a choice in this. That is the gift of being human, conscious choice.

So when normal everyday requests are made of me I feel under pressure or hard done by. It’s not my fault. It’s the world, it’s them, it’s carbs, I must be good. But in truth it was I that didn’t or couldn’t say “no, that date is too soon, I will need at least another week.” It’s me who can’t say no to charities or emails or deliciousness. And that’s ok, once I remember I said YES to the work, the food, the charity.
 
When we remember we have CHOICE, how does it feel?

Scary. Free. Fabulous. Powerful. At ease. Relief. I’m an idiot.

It is a muscle that needs exercising. But taking the power back is an interesting experiment.

For instance, this blog writing. I feel committed to put something out daily because I have been told it is the way to build a business. So I sit at the computer, or doodle ideas with a pen and paper. It doesn’t come every day. It can be lack of inspiration or will, or time. It can be an abundance of judgement that gets in my way. As time passes and the gaps between my writing increases I feel heavier and judgier, trapped into a block so I can’t write, or anything I do write I am dissatisfied with. Then I get feeling low, which doesn’t lend itself to the task. Do you know what I mean?

But reading a colleagues blog I remembered I had free choice. It is the pinnacle on which Alexander’s work stands on. I read it. But I didn’t remember it. I read it, but I had forgotten and was so far removed I didn’t remember that writing was my choice. I read it, but it took days to sink in. It took a follow up and a rereading. Finally I got it. I have choice. I, me, I have choice. He’s not writing to someone else. He’s writing to me. He’s writing to everybody. I am everybody. I have choice.

How can I apply that to me?

Writing was, and is, a chosen activity. It’s relatively new to do it for me and not be writing polite emails or slang to friends. To put words and ideas into writing something meaningful is new. I don’t have to write. I don’t have to. It is recommended to help the world understand what we do, but I don’t have to do it. I could walk away remembering there is plenty to do in life and I DON’T HAVE TO write, today or any day. Writing is a way of exploring thoughts and knowledge. It is a way of reaching out and connecting. It is an exposure. These elements can be scary. I started writing and it’s growing on me and while I may have started on someone else’s instruction, it was always my choice. I even like it. It’s my free choice to sit here and type.

WOW!

That was an interesting insight. That feels good. I’ve got my freedom back. My life is my choice. What I do each day is MY FREE CHOICE. Even if it's just one choice a day. What choice can I make today.
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And guess what, writing is easy today.
Thanks David.

Love Fiona x